random musings

-I find myself sitting in an office ready for another day as my third year of residency is coming to a close in a week. Really? Yup.

-I find myself in a more administrative role as I move to my last year of residency. This is a great opportunity to be a servant as Jesus said in Matthew "And whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant," but still I find difficulty that decisions that I make will make some happy and some frustrated. I simply would rather just make everyone happy and not have anyone upset at me...not going to happen.

-Last week Bekah and I joined the Plattner family on a lake in Michigan. One week without Internet and no work related activities. That is nice as I realized that the world will continue without me checking my email or facebook. I love vacation. The question is, do I go with the vacation where you go to a new spot and check everything out staying busy or just go to a familiar spot and veg out doing a lot of nothing? I am still debating. (Titus with his cousins).

-As I train for the Chicago triathlon I am discovering how difficult it really is to swim as swimming a 1/2 mile was one of the toughest things I have done. Another thing I have discovered is that there is a lot of trash in Lake Michigan. The other day I was convicted as I swam past an empty beer bottle and condemned the jerk who threw it in there in the first place. Yet God reminded me that I could pick it up instead of rolling my eyes and swimming right by assuming the clean up is "someone else's" responsibility and not mine. On a fundamental level by continuing to ignore the trash aren't I just like the dude that threw it in on the first basis?

-After the death of former UCLA coach John Wooden I started to read about him and realized that I have a new hero. That man was an amazing man. Here are a few things I learned about him (via Wikipedia):

1) Wooden remained devoted to his wife Nellie, even decades after her death. Since her death, he kept to a monthly ritual (health permitting)—on the 21st, he visited her grave, and then wrote a love letter to her. After completing the letter, he placed it in an envelope and added it to a stack of similar letters that accumulated over the years on the pillow she slept on during their life together.

2) Wooden has some great quotes:

Failing to prepare is preparing to fail.
Flexibility is the key to stability.
Be quick, but don't hurry

I have always tried to make it clear that basketball is not the ultimate. It is of small importance in comparison to the total life we live. There is only one kind of life that truly wins, and that is the one that places faith in the hands of the Savior.

If I were ever prosecuted for my religion, I truly hope there would be enough evidence to convict me.

3) He held to a Seven Point Creed, given to him by his father Joshua upon his graduation from grammer school:
Be true to yourself.
Make each day your masterpiece.
Help others.
Drink deeply from good books, especially the Bible.
Make friendship a fine art.
Build a shelter against a rainy day.
Pray for guidance and give thanks for your blessings every day.

Oh yea, and he won a lot of basketball games.

-As a Detroit Tigers fan I was obviously following Detroit Tigers' pitcher Armando Galarraga would have had have gone down as the 21st major league pitcher to throw a perfect game: no hits, no walks, no base runners, period. But on the last play, the very last play first base umpire Jim Joyce called the batter safe who was clearly out as Joyce later said "I was convinced he beat the throw, until I saw the replay." Galarraga took the miscall in stride as he gave Joyce the play card the next game and did not make a big deal out if it.

This reminds me of a quote by a former umpire Ralph "Babe" Pinelli when he was a rookie umpire who called a strike on the famous Babe Ruth. It is reported that Ruth challenged a call stating "There's 40,000 people in this park that know that was a ball, tomato-head." Pinelli shrugged as he responded "mine is the only opinion that counts."

As a believer in Christ I take confidence that no matter what others may say to or about me (rather true or untrue as I agree with Billy Graham when he advises others to turn your critics into coaches) at the end of the day I have a loving Father who loves me. That is the only opinion that really counts.

3rd times a charm?

Earlier this week Bekah and I's relaxed night was interrupted by a man slamming on our front door demanding our neighbor pay him money. He kept ringing our doorbell and yelling several four letter words until I explained to him on the intercom that he had the wrong apartment which only meant that he started ringing the doorbell of our neighbor while he was still slamming the front door.
I then left my apartment to knock on our neighbor's door after he was not answering his phone as I had heard activity upstairs. No one answered my knocks and meanwhile the man kept kicking and yelling as I realized that I locked myself out of our apartment and could hear Titus crying while Bekah (thinking I was caring for Titus) was drying her hair not hearing anything.
Bekah then heard me knocking and let me in as the man left (temporarily as people from the restaurant came outside) as we calmed Titus down. The man did come back in which he did break the door (which means our neighbors' "associates" have broken our door 3 times in the last year), but left because people outside the restaurant came outside again (much quicker than before) to see what the commotion was.
Our landlord was called who she then called the police (4 showed up which means they must really like the food downstairs) who asked everyone questions including one of the upstairs neighbor who was not the one who the guy was out to get, but still knew who the guy was and heard me knocking on his door.
The cops collected the information including the eyewitness from an employee who actually saw the man kick the door in and set out to find the guy. Meanwhile our landlord made the executive decision to kick out our neighbors who are looking for a new place as she kept apologizing to us for swearing in front of Titus.
Speaking of Titus, it was amazing to see his reaction. I am convinced that babies as young as 3.5 months are amazingly perceptive. He was very fussy throughout the entire event as he could tell that Bekah and I were shook up. Even after everyone had left and we were trying to get our pulse down as we were still recovering from the crazy situation he continued to be fussy until we eventually calmed down. Amazing to see how he seemingly could pick up our distress.
Fast forwards to a few days later...Bekah and I were sitting on our porch and noted that a young man was casually walking up and down the street just checking to see if anyone had left their doors unlocked which made us both realize where our loose change had disappeared to a week or so ago.
It is times like this that you really realize how you really are not in control of anything. At any minute something can happen to change your life forever. We are not the captains of our ship, we may have some control of the steering wheel, but we have no influence on the oceans that we are traveling on.
While this is sobering I am thankful for the promises we have in God's Word when He says that He will never leave nor forsake us allowing Bekah and I to sleep soundly.

randomness

-The weather in Chicago has quickly morphed from those cool spring days to the very hot sunny summer days leading Bekah and I back to our "discussions" about the air conditioner, but this year she has an ace in the deck so to speak as she points out that Titus is young and needs cool air. How do you argue against that when she holds up a cooing baby? Yea, I have got nothing against that.

-Chicago is buzzing with the Blackhawks in the NHL championship with t-shirts, flags, and signs everywhere with some of the Chicago landmarks dressed in Blackhawk gear such as a Michael Jordan statue with ice skates on. It is always amazing how fans seem to come out of everywhere once the team is doing well (except the Cubs).

-Speaking of Chicago, Bekah and I have at least one more year in Chicago as we have to decide where we are going to live after residency is over July 2011. Yes that is right, I finally need to get a job, but we see potential jobs in Chicago and other areas of the midwest.

-As an upcoming grad there are areas that need docs pretty bad meaning that they actively and sometimes aggressively are recruiting residents. After all of these years of being the one desiring to enter the different programs it is strange to be on the other side of the fence...which I think definitely has greener grass.

-I smashed my right big toenail playing basketball. You never realize how much you use your big toe until every movement hurts.

-My dad turned 60 last week and requested running shoes for his birthday as he plans to start jogging. My siblings and I pooled in together to buy him some quality shoes and I found it funny to see him excited for his brand new shoes reminding me of when he used to buy me shoes every summer before I started school...funny to see the shoe on the other foot (no pun intended).

-Titus is doing well, but he has the amazing ability to spit-up in ways that maximize exposure to my clothes. Oh yes, he will wait until I switch positions and before I can readjust the burp rag...I become one. Yesterday I put on a brand new shirt (maybe that was my mistake) to burp him, with a burp rag on my chest right in the middle of his mouth, and he lifted his head, turned to the side and let it roll right off the edge of the burp rag onto my shirt. That kid has talent, let me tell you.

-I need to get back to work...

time to stop

This Wednesday I have my first grand rounds presentation in which I research a topic and present the findings. On paper this sounded pretty straight forwards, but when you start looking up a topic you find that there is an enormous amount of data that you need to wade through including similar studies with opposite results.
After trying to ingest all of the information you then need to condense and transfer it onto power point slides so that your audience can understand all of your work in 45 minutes or so while trying not to bore them while knowing that you are going to be asked questions at the end by people who have been working longer than you are going to be alive.
At this point my slides are done...or are they? I find myself constantly tweaking, changing, and adjusting my slides to make sure that they are "perfect."
At some point you just have to say that your slides are done and call it a day.
Which makes me think of the Christian practice of keeping a Sabbath. A day of rest. A day where you can set apart your business and relax (such as blogging).
Obviously God felt that this was important as it is one of the 10 Commandments.
Random side note, I received an email of the texted 10 Commandments:

1. no1 b4 me. srsly.
2. dnt wrshp pix/idols
3. no omg’s
4. no wrk on w/end (sat 4 now; sun l8r)
5. pos ok – ur m&d r cool
6. dnt kill ppl
7. :-X only w/ m8
8. dnt steal
9. dnt lie re: bf
10. dnt ogle ur bf’s m8. or ox. or dnkey. myob.

Jesus also debated the Pharisees who had missed the boat when they started making rules on how to properly keep the Sabbath day of rest thus totally defeating the whole purpose. Even today we struggle with keeping up with the Joneses as we are all plugged into each other with constant communication as most of us really never leave work at work as I find myself wanting to check my email the first thing in the morning.
So perhaps the ability to take a day off is to have the faith that we have worked for 6 days and trust God's command to take the 7th off as we find our ultimate satisfaction in Him and His laws, not in the next step at our job.
Perhaps we can be like Eric Liddell from the Chariots of Fire movie who did not have to prove his existence on the track by honoring the Sabbath day unlike the other track runner (Harold Abrahams) who said of the 100 meter dash: "I will raise my eyes and look down that corridor; 4 feet wide, with 10 lonely seconds to justify my whole existence."
So enjoy the better things in life by resting in the Lord's provision on your Sabbath day.

time

It seems like every stage in my life since middle school I always felt like I never had enough time to do whatever I felt was important. Frequent comments and reactions that I had were something to the fact that "one day I would like to..." or "I am just so busy right now that I can't..." In some sort of delusional state I figured that "tomorrow" things will get less busy.
But now that I am a dad I am amazed at how much time I actually did have all of those years as the "simple" act of going out to eat is now a 14-step process (which is all worth it when Titus gives you one of his smiles that makes you feel like there is nothing wrong in the world.)But still, I am learning that I will never reach this "magical time" in which I will have an abundance of free time until I am old enough that I can't remember what I am doing anyways. So where does this leave me?
Priorities.
Simple enough, my priorities.What I really want to do or have to do I find time for. Obviously work takes a majority of my time, but what about God time? I say that Jesus is my number one priority, but if someone had a listing of my daily activities or my credit card statement could they tell He is my all in all?
Obviously faith plays a large role that I realize that God is truly in control and that I am not the captain of my ship I will have the peace to put my work down and rest in His promises, but also is He enough? Is He my greatest joy? Do I feel fulfilled in His Word and in prayer? If the answer is yes wouldn't it follow that I would not feel pushed for time to spend with Jesus and when life does get busy the obvious answer is to cut other things out of my life? Makes sense on paper (or on a blog), but in real life I guess I so easily become blinded and drift away until He does something to bring me back that usually hurts.
All of the sudden the patter of the Bible of judgment and mercy starts to ring true as I read how God works with His people with judgment followed by mercy. Our holy and righteous God sends judgment on sinful people. But God is also merciful, patient, and compassionate and thus rescues the sinful people from his judgment.
Over and over and over and over again. Just read the OT and you will soon see the pattern.
The humbling part is when you look back on your own life and realize the same pattern, which leads me to a deeper understand of His love.
PS: Check out this kid.

Karma

The other day I was out on our fire escape that is illegally turned into a deck grilling some hamburgers over charcoal grill holding my son and teaching him how to make a perfect burger with a dash of Lawery's salt, pepper, and oregano. Then after it is grilled you put an onion, lettuce, ketchup, and mustard and enjoy...sorry I got off topic there.
Anyways as I grilled a group of very intoxicated men were waiting outside the restaurant we live above were waiting for their seats after a Cubs game (now you know why they were drunk!) As they made inappropriate comments to passing women one of the guys really crossed the line on one of his comments resulting in his friend making a comment about how he was "really messing up his karma" and shortly afterwards the really inappropriate comment guy randomly missed his footing and tried to catch his balance resulting in him throwing his body towards the street, off the curb, and right to his rear rolling backwards doing a somersault of sorts.
It was really funny. I mean, really really funny. He and his friends were almost dying of laughter as he collected his broken pride and walked back to the street as more karma comments were coming from his friends.
Then I started thinking about Karma, which is defined as "the effects of a person's actions that determine his destiny in his next incarnation."
U2's front man Bono (who like Cher and Madonna have no last name) in an interview mad a great comparision of Karma and Grace when he said: "You see, at the center of all religions is the idea of Karma. You know, what you put out comes back to you: an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, or in physics—in physical laws—every action is met by an equal or an opposite one. It's clear to me that Karma is at the very heart of the universe. I'm absolutely sure of it. And yet, along comes this idea called Grace to upend all that "as you reap, so you will sow" stuff. Grace defies reason and logic. Love interrupts, if you like, the consequences of your actions, which in my case is very good news indeed, because I've done a lot of stupid stuff."

I agree.

long ways to go

Sometimes you really think that you have things figured out...which happens right before you realize that you have a long ways to go. I've discovered that like a funnel, the more you discover, the more you discover that their is more to discover (I just used the word discover 4 times in one sentence).
Further still is the fact that you can be cruising along thinking you have it all figured out and then something small trips you up such as the fact that I have been running for a couple months now and feel undestructible as I can run faster and faster for longer periods of time...until I formed a small blister that is forcing me to slow down. (Or when a small 10 pound baby can bring you to your knees trying to figure out how to make him stop crying).
Rich Mullins said it best when he sang:
"We are frail
We are fearfully and wonderfully made
Forged in the fires of human passion
Choking and the fumes of selfish rage
And with these are hells and our heaves
So few inches apart
We must be awfully small
And not as strong as we think we are"

I think about this as I start to wrap up my 3rd year of residency I find myself getting emails and phone calls from recruitment agencies telling me how great I would be for their particular spot. Kind of makes me feel good as all of this education and money is now going to pay off right? The "American Dream" is now just around the corner and I am about to arrive. (Speaking of the American Dream I love what Jon Foreman's thoughts on the American Dream as he stated "When success is equated with excess, the ambition for excess wrecks us.")
Reminds me of the same feeling I had when I was getting ready to graduate from high school, college, and med school...which was soon ended by the thought that I was getting ready to start college, med school, and residency.
But maybe this is the key, realizing that all you need to do is take one step at a time day by day with the confidence that you are progressing, but with the humility that you will always have a long ways to go and the faith that God wastes nothing.