roads

12 years ago I had to make a decision...where to go to college. To me it was a huge decision, but now looking back I just knew that I was to go to Kansas State University. Don't ask me how, but I just knew it. Fast forward another 4 years and you find me in 2002 and I am going to different medical schools praying that some medical school would let me into their school. After all of the interviews I preferred Wayne State and remember making a phone call one morning to Wayne to find out that I had been accepted which resulted in me falling on my knees with gratitude (followed by a celebratory dance that I hope no one saw...then again, who cares). Go ahead 4 more years to 2006 and I find myself once again wearing my black suit going to different hospitals interviewing for residency programs and finding that my decision not only effecting me, but my wife as well. We both loved Detroit and saw ourselves staying in the area for a very long time, but were confused when we both specifically felt that the Lord was directing us to Chicago when we made our ranking list of residency programs.
Now it is 2010. We love Chicago, but I find myself back on the road with my suit interviewing at different hospitals in Chicago, Grand Rapids, Peoria, and Bloomington-Normal realizing that my decision is now effecting my wife and child and that in 4 years I will most likely not be on the interview trail.
Sigh.
Decisions.
I am thankful that I have several opportunities for employment, especially considering the current economy, but every place I interview looks like a great opportunity that I could see myself fitting in well with the hospital staff. But specific directions?
Nope. Not at this point.
These times of looking at crossroads are tough. One day I feel like I am going there, followed by the next day convinced that I am staying here, followed by another day of feeling like I will be over there, with the week ending with me wanting to move to Alaska (why not?).
Looking back I always approach these situations with significant prayer and searching out the Word for direction and I always feel confident in the final decision in that once it is made there is not a lot of looking back as I find myself loving the area and the people that I work with...but it is the time of waiting that is such a pain. The insecurity of it all. The unanswered questions that rotate through my head as I find myself going on a lot of jogs just thinking about next year and the pluses and minuses of each interview.
But it is at these times that in hindsight are actually good times as I realize how focused I become. I start seeing things through a new lens as I realize that regardless of where I end up current relationships are never going to be the same and opportunities I currently have will dry up provoking me examine my priorities. By seeking out direction for my future employment decision I find myself also seeking out directions for several other areas in my life that I previously kept brushing under the rug.
So while I would love a neon sign dropping from the sky telling me what to do, I would also miss this wonderful time period with my loving Father.