vaca

Today I start my first day of a week-long vacation. Bekah and I chose to head up to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan to a bed and breakfast whose slogan is "Conveniently Located in the Middle of Nowhere."
Its kind of funny. Often people who live in rural areas head to urban areas for vacations and we are leaving the concrete jungle of Chicago for dirt roads, starry skies, and quietness. My frustration with the car alarms, loud buses, smokers in the front of my apartment, and stuffed trains is making me desire the country. But when my family would come to Chicago when I was younger I remember how boring Lowell Michigan seemed compared to a city that does not sleep. I am always wanting the opposite of where I spend the majority of my time.
I wonder if sometimes I live life always looking at the other side off the fence wondering how I can get greener grass and when I get there I am looking back on the other side realizing that the grass was pretty green and seeing a different field with even greener grass as in high school I couldn't wait for college, in college med school was the next big thing, then residency, now I desire to work on my own.
While I have enjoyed every step along the way, I often get itchy towards the end of that phase for the next one and can't wait to move on as I would start countdowns of the days, hours, and minutes I had left until I was done. But after a few months in my next phase I found myself looking back at "the good ol' days" of having my mom do my laundry in high school, the simple life of college with 25 cent Ramon Noodles, playing ping pong at med school when I should have been studying...
While I could quote all sorts of neat statements about living in the presence because it is all you can influence, it still remains a struggle for me to simply learn from the past, but not dwell on it reanalyzing previous decisions over and over. On the other hand I worry about the future and consider all the different potential roads my life can take and analyze those paths over and over and over.
I guess I am jealous of my sister and future bro-in-law. While they are planning for their wedding they are mostly interested in being with each other in the present. Just enjoying each other wherever they are...and Holly's previous dates are not mentioned.
What is the secret to live in the presence with satisfaction, joy, and confidence?
To me it simply boils down to faith.
Faith that by not living with a focus on results rather being confident that God hasn't given me the responsibility of the world and rather asks me to do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with Him and leave the rest (including results) up to Him.
Seems so easy when I type it out...