Happy 2011!

Here we are, 2011. Last year was a big year, became a dad and finally have a job...so what about 2011?
Here are my resolutions.
1) Run the 2011 Chicago Marathon
2) Take a multivitamin daily

Just two resolutions that are both able to be reached one step and multivitamin at a time.

Merry Christmas!

Here I find myself again typing the annual Plattner Christmas letter as the days are getting shorter and colder in the Windy City, yet no matter the changes in the weather we are thankful for our never-changing awesome Lord who continues to do beyond our expectations as exemplified in the birth of our first child, Titus John Plattner on February 24th…and since then we have learned so very much.

For instance did you know that when you take a diaper off the air hitting the once covered area sets off a neurological phenomenon that signals children to go to the bathroom…always aimed your direction? Another lesson I learned was that when traveling, the stuff you need to take is 5 times the weight of your child. Finally, even if your house is completely clean except for one little piece of something on the ground, your child will hunt that down and immediately put it in their mouth. All joking aside, Bekah and I are blessed with Titus more than words can express and while he has his moments we are absolutely thrilled to be parents and we look forwards to see what God has prepared for His life.

Even though we do not know what we did with our free time before Titus arrived, Bekah and I were still able to travel by going to Milwaukee for our 4th wedding anniversary in January and had a small get-away to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan in October leaving Titus with family. We also traveled to Kansas twice for 2 weddings (in which I learned another lesson…when you have a new baby everyone honestly just wants to see your new child) and spent vacations with our families to Amish Acres and relaxing on a cabin on a small lake (another lesson learnedà traveling with a sleeping child from 10pm-5am is worth it).

As for me, I am in my final year of residency. Yes, next year I will finally have a job. I continue to feel so fortunate to be able to help those with mental illness and look forwards to continuing this at Pine Rest Christian Mental Health Services in Grand Rapids Michigan. While we are very sad to leave Chicago, we are excited to see what God has in store for us in this next stage of our lives. Outside of work I have had the joy to teach high school Sunday school, continue to jog, and try to catch up with my ever-growing pile of “books to read.”

Bekah has transitioned to a full-time mother, which I am finding out is much more work than I ever imagined. She continues to help out on an as needed basis at the hospital and has been able to become involved in Christian mom groups. While I am only writing a few lines on her activities this year, it must be written that she has transitioned into the mom role amazingly as she continues to amaze me with her cleaning, cooking, washing, organizing, and keeping-me-out-of-trouble skills.

We hope and pray that your family has a wonderful Christmas and a blessed 2011. If you ever want to swing by Chicago, please do soon as we will be moving July of next year.

what a month!

This past month has been, well, an interesting one full of dramatic events leaving me excited, sad, worried, confused, yet hopeful.
Let me walk you through the month.
At the beginning of the month Bekah and I felt that we needed to make our final decision with regards to a job next year...yes, I will finally be getting my very own independent job. After interviews, second looks, phone calls, meals, and lots of prayers we decided to take the job at Pine Rest Christian Mental Health Services back in Grand Rapids Michigan.
We are very excited about the job as they offer me exactly what kind of career I was looking for and the organization itself is very solid, but I just never thought I would end up back in Western Michigan. It is not that I have anything against the Grad Rapids area, but 12 years ago I left with a head full of ideas, not one being that I would return.
In those 12 years I lived at least one month in Manhattan Kansas, East Lansing Michigan, Detroit Michigan, Nashville Tennessee, Herbertpur India, Livonia Michigan, Dearborn Michgian, and finally Chicago Illinois. All of these places have been so very different yet amazing as I have so many great memories, experiences, and friends to share them with over the past 12 years.
But Grand Rapids? Really? I'm ending up back there? Still Bekah and I have peace about this decision and once again, the job is everything I wanted...praise the Lord.

Shortly after the emotions of this decision I was hit with the following:
1) A very good friend was arrested for having his computer loaded with child pornography
2) Another very close friend's mother died from a long fight with cancer
3) Still another friend's wife lost their baby in the third trimester when her uterus ruptured

Boom, boom, boom. One right after another.
Just leaves you sitting there wondering what just happened...and what is going to happen next as the days get colder and shorter all the time I keep getting emails for different forms that I need to start working on.
All of the sudden my news of a job seem, well, so little when a friend buries his son who never took a breath, a wife finds herself with 2 young children with a husband in jail, and a family finds themselves looking at Thanksgiving without being able to enjoy their mom's amazing cooking skills.
Life, it does come at you fast.
The real question is do I have the eternal perspective to keep praising the Lord like I was after obtaining my job in these situations? Can I still trust Him that in all of these situations, no matter how dire they seem to be, He is still good and in control?
I think that is my early New Year's resolution: to have an eternal perspective.

vaca

Today I start my first day of a week-long vacation. Bekah and I chose to head up to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan to a bed and breakfast whose slogan is "Conveniently Located in the Middle of Nowhere."
Its kind of funny. Often people who live in rural areas head to urban areas for vacations and we are leaving the concrete jungle of Chicago for dirt roads, starry skies, and quietness. My frustration with the car alarms, loud buses, smokers in the front of my apartment, and stuffed trains is making me desire the country. But when my family would come to Chicago when I was younger I remember how boring Lowell Michigan seemed compared to a city that does not sleep. I am always wanting the opposite of where I spend the majority of my time.
I wonder if sometimes I live life always looking at the other side off the fence wondering how I can get greener grass and when I get there I am looking back on the other side realizing that the grass was pretty green and seeing a different field with even greener grass as in high school I couldn't wait for college, in college med school was the next big thing, then residency, now I desire to work on my own.
While I have enjoyed every step along the way, I often get itchy towards the end of that phase for the next one and can't wait to move on as I would start countdowns of the days, hours, and minutes I had left until I was done. But after a few months in my next phase I found myself looking back at "the good ol' days" of having my mom do my laundry in high school, the simple life of college with 25 cent Ramon Noodles, playing ping pong at med school when I should have been studying...
While I could quote all sorts of neat statements about living in the presence because it is all you can influence, it still remains a struggle for me to simply learn from the past, but not dwell on it reanalyzing previous decisions over and over. On the other hand I worry about the future and consider all the different potential roads my life can take and analyze those paths over and over and over.
I guess I am jealous of my sister and future bro-in-law. While they are planning for their wedding they are mostly interested in being with each other in the present. Just enjoying each other wherever they are...and Holly's previous dates are not mentioned.
What is the secret to live in the presence with satisfaction, joy, and confidence?
To me it simply boils down to faith.
Faith that by not living with a focus on results rather being confident that God hasn't given me the responsibility of the world and rather asks me to do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with Him and leave the rest (including results) up to Him.
Seems so easy when I type it out...

question

The other day I was at an interview and I was asked "why should I hire you?"
That is a good question as if I were in his shoes I would probably ask the same question, but what about the answer? If someone asked you the same question how would you answer?
One on hand I sat there with my resume of all of the things I have accomplished. Two pages that sums up what I have been doing the last 12 years. When just looking at the paper I could make a considerably solid argument on why I should be hired, but even typing that makes me feel shady. Not shady that I cheated my way to accomplish the various things, rather that there is more to the story than 2 thin pages of paper. Every item on that should have an asterisk (*) that points out that without God none of this would have been possible.
Looking back I have so many times in which things just came together beautifully such as my published research articles. Yes I did the work, but a new professor happen to come into K-State to set up his lab with a research project set up with another student who happened to no longer be interested at the same time that I inquired about a job thus I started research on a project already started is amazing. Another example is my experience of moonlighting at Cook County jail and hospital which just fell into place as I was rotating with a doctor who was looking for help at the same time I was working.
Apart from academics, just great life experiences that have worked out such as the apartment we live in? A great deal that occurred when we overheard people talking at a farewell party. The opportunity to live in a 1913 downtown house in Detroit in med school? Out of a class of 250 at Wayne State I met Todd who continues to be a good friend and had an open room.
I could go on and on and on, but needless to say when people ask my why they should hire me my only answer is because God has been good to me.

Now some people may say that I just was in the right place at the right time, my starts were aligned correctly, or even that God helps those who help themselves. But I would rather believe that an all powerful and all knowing loving God with a perfect plan has graciously allowed me to get to this point so that I can glorify Him rather than believing that random events randomly happened for me, the latter just seems so empty, the former so full.

roads

12 years ago I had to make a decision...where to go to college. To me it was a huge decision, but now looking back I just knew that I was to go to Kansas State University. Don't ask me how, but I just knew it. Fast forward another 4 years and you find me in 2002 and I am going to different medical schools praying that some medical school would let me into their school. After all of the interviews I preferred Wayne State and remember making a phone call one morning to Wayne to find out that I had been accepted which resulted in me falling on my knees with gratitude (followed by a celebratory dance that I hope no one saw...then again, who cares). Go ahead 4 more years to 2006 and I find myself once again wearing my black suit going to different hospitals interviewing for residency programs and finding that my decision not only effecting me, but my wife as well. We both loved Detroit and saw ourselves staying in the area for a very long time, but were confused when we both specifically felt that the Lord was directing us to Chicago when we made our ranking list of residency programs.
Now it is 2010. We love Chicago, but I find myself back on the road with my suit interviewing at different hospitals in Chicago, Grand Rapids, Peoria, and Bloomington-Normal realizing that my decision is now effecting my wife and child and that in 4 years I will most likely not be on the interview trail.
Sigh.
Decisions.
I am thankful that I have several opportunities for employment, especially considering the current economy, but every place I interview looks like a great opportunity that I could see myself fitting in well with the hospital staff. But specific directions?
Nope. Not at this point.
These times of looking at crossroads are tough. One day I feel like I am going there, followed by the next day convinced that I am staying here, followed by another day of feeling like I will be over there, with the week ending with me wanting to move to Alaska (why not?).
Looking back I always approach these situations with significant prayer and searching out the Word for direction and I always feel confident in the final decision in that once it is made there is not a lot of looking back as I find myself loving the area and the people that I work with...but it is the time of waiting that is such a pain. The insecurity of it all. The unanswered questions that rotate through my head as I find myself going on a lot of jogs just thinking about next year and the pluses and minuses of each interview.
But it is at these times that in hindsight are actually good times as I realize how focused I become. I start seeing things through a new lens as I realize that regardless of where I end up current relationships are never going to be the same and opportunities I currently have will dry up provoking me examine my priorities. By seeking out direction for my future employment decision I find myself also seeking out directions for several other areas in my life that I previously kept brushing under the rug.
So while I would love a neon sign dropping from the sky telling me what to do, I would also miss this wonderful time period with my loving Father.

thoughts after disappointments

This Sunday was to be the big day. I had been training for the Chicago Triatholon for months. I had everything lined up Saturday night ready to go with large numbers written on my arms of what contestant number I was. I awoke at 4:30am and set out Sunday morning to park my bike and then make my way to the lake where I was expecting to jump in and start my swimming adventures.

But at about 5am on my way to the event my left pedal on my bike started to feel funny...and then it happened, it just fell off. I frantically tried to see what I could do as other people were biking past me with comments like "dude that sucks," "did you see that?" etc.

Mustering up what pride I had I walked my bike the rest of the way to wait in line for bike repairs. After what seemed to be an eternity the bike fixer-upper guy took a look at the pedal and told me "sorry man, there is nothing I can do for you. This pedal is completely stripped and there is no way I can put it back on your bike." I then went to one of the organizers and we tried to brainstorm what we could do, but at 5:45 am on a August Sunday morning there are not a lot of options.

So I turned in my time chip and walked my bike back home (because the trains were not running yet) trying to avoid any contact with any triathloners where I was met by my very surprised wife who like me felt helpless and disappointed.

Seriously, whose bike pedal falls off on the way to an event? What are the chances that the blasted pedal gave out at that exact moment?

As you might guess I was less than happy at this whole situation, but as I read Monday morning in Psalm 84:11 "For the LORD God is a sun and shield: the LORD will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly" I had to wonder how this verse worked given the hours that I spent training and the money I spent to enter the race...not to mention that I still have permanent marker on my body.

Then I was reminded of all the times I was out jogging while pushing Titus and just being able to spend time with my son, the joy I found swimming, a friendship I developed with a neighbor who would join me on jogs, all of the new places I saw on my bike in Chicago, the few times I was able to give directions to lost people who were on the trail, all of the time in prayer and the various sermons that I listened to while running, and the fact that I feel good because I am more in shape.

All of this because I signed up for the triathlon which motivated me to exercise.

Which leads me to this morning where Titus and I were coming back from a jog we were stuck at a red light in which a homeless man began to talk to Titus in which Titus started to laugh and smile. This random homeless guy and I talked briefly before the light changed and as I started to cross the street he made a comment about how blessed I am.

And you know, triathlon or not, he is so right.

But still, I am going to do a triathlon some day...

been a while

It has been over a month since my last post...amazing how time flies.

Life has been busy, but good. Here is a quick update:

1) My final year of residency is bittersweet as having more seniority means that I have a more administrative role instead of being in the trenches doing more of the labor, but on the flip side having more responsibility has its own challenges.

2) This past month Bekah and I went to Kansas two weekends in a row for weddings. The first weekend we flew and besides both flights being delayed at least 1.5 hour, Titus did really well. The second weekend we drove and I am thankful that I no longer drive to Kansas on a semi-regular basis. Still, going back to Kansas State was full of memories and surprises as the campus has changed quite a bit.

3) We also went on a weekend vacation with Bekah's family to Amish Acres. I am impressed at the Amish as they really seem to be pretty happy with their "simple" lives and they are all in great shape from biking all over the place. While I am not going to convert to Amish (although eating their food was a big pull) there is a lot to learn about their lives.

4) Speaking of food, the other day Bekah and I had a Chicago dog with a milkshake. That is the simple things in life that are so great.

5) I continue to train for the Chicago triathlon and I am amazed at how hard it is to swim. I thought that I was in shape until I tried to swim 1/2-mile using totally different muscles than running or biking.

6) Titus continues to grow at an amazing rate, is eating cereal, loves to be outside, is rolling all over the place, and has impressive bowel movements that will take the hair off of animals. I am simply amazed of God's creative abilities to think of the difference of Titus from birth to now.

7) The weather in Chicago is hot followed by muggy. I now long for winter...similar to when I was longing for summer during winter.

Here is a pic of Titus and I will try to keep up the blog more.

random musings

-I find myself sitting in an office ready for another day as my third year of residency is coming to a close in a week. Really? Yup.

-I find myself in a more administrative role as I move to my last year of residency. This is a great opportunity to be a servant as Jesus said in Matthew "And whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant," but still I find difficulty that decisions that I make will make some happy and some frustrated. I simply would rather just make everyone happy and not have anyone upset at me...not going to happen.

-Last week Bekah and I joined the Plattner family on a lake in Michigan. One week without Internet and no work related activities. That is nice as I realized that the world will continue without me checking my email or facebook. I love vacation. The question is, do I go with the vacation where you go to a new spot and check everything out staying busy or just go to a familiar spot and veg out doing a lot of nothing? I am still debating. (Titus with his cousins).

-As I train for the Chicago triathlon I am discovering how difficult it really is to swim as swimming a 1/2 mile was one of the toughest things I have done. Another thing I have discovered is that there is a lot of trash in Lake Michigan. The other day I was convicted as I swam past an empty beer bottle and condemned the jerk who threw it in there in the first place. Yet God reminded me that I could pick it up instead of rolling my eyes and swimming right by assuming the clean up is "someone else's" responsibility and not mine. On a fundamental level by continuing to ignore the trash aren't I just like the dude that threw it in on the first basis?

-After the death of former UCLA coach John Wooden I started to read about him and realized that I have a new hero. That man was an amazing man. Here are a few things I learned about him (via Wikipedia):

1) Wooden remained devoted to his wife Nellie, even decades after her death. Since her death, he kept to a monthly ritual (health permitting)—on the 21st, he visited her grave, and then wrote a love letter to her. After completing the letter, he placed it in an envelope and added it to a stack of similar letters that accumulated over the years on the pillow she slept on during their life together.

2) Wooden has some great quotes:

Failing to prepare is preparing to fail.
Flexibility is the key to stability.
Be quick, but don't hurry

I have always tried to make it clear that basketball is not the ultimate. It is of small importance in comparison to the total life we live. There is only one kind of life that truly wins, and that is the one that places faith in the hands of the Savior.

If I were ever prosecuted for my religion, I truly hope there would be enough evidence to convict me.

3) He held to a Seven Point Creed, given to him by his father Joshua upon his graduation from grammer school:
Be true to yourself.
Make each day your masterpiece.
Help others.
Drink deeply from good books, especially the Bible.
Make friendship a fine art.
Build a shelter against a rainy day.
Pray for guidance and give thanks for your blessings every day.

Oh yea, and he won a lot of basketball games.

-As a Detroit Tigers fan I was obviously following Detroit Tigers' pitcher Armando Galarraga would have had have gone down as the 21st major league pitcher to throw a perfect game: no hits, no walks, no base runners, period. But on the last play, the very last play first base umpire Jim Joyce called the batter safe who was clearly out as Joyce later said "I was convinced he beat the throw, until I saw the replay." Galarraga took the miscall in stride as he gave Joyce the play card the next game and did not make a big deal out if it.

This reminds me of a quote by a former umpire Ralph "Babe" Pinelli when he was a rookie umpire who called a strike on the famous Babe Ruth. It is reported that Ruth challenged a call stating "There's 40,000 people in this park that know that was a ball, tomato-head." Pinelli shrugged as he responded "mine is the only opinion that counts."

As a believer in Christ I take confidence that no matter what others may say to or about me (rather true or untrue as I agree with Billy Graham when he advises others to turn your critics into coaches) at the end of the day I have a loving Father who loves me. That is the only opinion that really counts.

3rd times a charm?

Earlier this week Bekah and I's relaxed night was interrupted by a man slamming on our front door demanding our neighbor pay him money. He kept ringing our doorbell and yelling several four letter words until I explained to him on the intercom that he had the wrong apartment which only meant that he started ringing the doorbell of our neighbor while he was still slamming the front door.
I then left my apartment to knock on our neighbor's door after he was not answering his phone as I had heard activity upstairs. No one answered my knocks and meanwhile the man kept kicking and yelling as I realized that I locked myself out of our apartment and could hear Titus crying while Bekah (thinking I was caring for Titus) was drying her hair not hearing anything.
Bekah then heard me knocking and let me in as the man left (temporarily as people from the restaurant came outside) as we calmed Titus down. The man did come back in which he did break the door (which means our neighbors' "associates" have broken our door 3 times in the last year), but left because people outside the restaurant came outside again (much quicker than before) to see what the commotion was.
Our landlord was called who she then called the police (4 showed up which means they must really like the food downstairs) who asked everyone questions including one of the upstairs neighbor who was not the one who the guy was out to get, but still knew who the guy was and heard me knocking on his door.
The cops collected the information including the eyewitness from an employee who actually saw the man kick the door in and set out to find the guy. Meanwhile our landlord made the executive decision to kick out our neighbors who are looking for a new place as she kept apologizing to us for swearing in front of Titus.
Speaking of Titus, it was amazing to see his reaction. I am convinced that babies as young as 3.5 months are amazingly perceptive. He was very fussy throughout the entire event as he could tell that Bekah and I were shook up. Even after everyone had left and we were trying to get our pulse down as we were still recovering from the crazy situation he continued to be fussy until we eventually calmed down. Amazing to see how he seemingly could pick up our distress.
Fast forwards to a few days later...Bekah and I were sitting on our porch and noted that a young man was casually walking up and down the street just checking to see if anyone had left their doors unlocked which made us both realize where our loose change had disappeared to a week or so ago.
It is times like this that you really realize how you really are not in control of anything. At any minute something can happen to change your life forever. We are not the captains of our ship, we may have some control of the steering wheel, but we have no influence on the oceans that we are traveling on.
While this is sobering I am thankful for the promises we have in God's Word when He says that He will never leave nor forsake us allowing Bekah and I to sleep soundly.

randomness

-The weather in Chicago has quickly morphed from those cool spring days to the very hot sunny summer days leading Bekah and I back to our "discussions" about the air conditioner, but this year she has an ace in the deck so to speak as she points out that Titus is young and needs cool air. How do you argue against that when she holds up a cooing baby? Yea, I have got nothing against that.

-Chicago is buzzing with the Blackhawks in the NHL championship with t-shirts, flags, and signs everywhere with some of the Chicago landmarks dressed in Blackhawk gear such as a Michael Jordan statue with ice skates on. It is always amazing how fans seem to come out of everywhere once the team is doing well (except the Cubs).

-Speaking of Chicago, Bekah and I have at least one more year in Chicago as we have to decide where we are going to live after residency is over July 2011. Yes that is right, I finally need to get a job, but we see potential jobs in Chicago and other areas of the midwest.

-As an upcoming grad there are areas that need docs pretty bad meaning that they actively and sometimes aggressively are recruiting residents. After all of these years of being the one desiring to enter the different programs it is strange to be on the other side of the fence...which I think definitely has greener grass.

-I smashed my right big toenail playing basketball. You never realize how much you use your big toe until every movement hurts.

-My dad turned 60 last week and requested running shoes for his birthday as he plans to start jogging. My siblings and I pooled in together to buy him some quality shoes and I found it funny to see him excited for his brand new shoes reminding me of when he used to buy me shoes every summer before I started school...funny to see the shoe on the other foot (no pun intended).

-Titus is doing well, but he has the amazing ability to spit-up in ways that maximize exposure to my clothes. Oh yes, he will wait until I switch positions and before I can readjust the burp rag...I become one. Yesterday I put on a brand new shirt (maybe that was my mistake) to burp him, with a burp rag on my chest right in the middle of his mouth, and he lifted his head, turned to the side and let it roll right off the edge of the burp rag onto my shirt. That kid has talent, let me tell you.

-I need to get back to work...

time to stop

This Wednesday I have my first grand rounds presentation in which I research a topic and present the findings. On paper this sounded pretty straight forwards, but when you start looking up a topic you find that there is an enormous amount of data that you need to wade through including similar studies with opposite results.
After trying to ingest all of the information you then need to condense and transfer it onto power point slides so that your audience can understand all of your work in 45 minutes or so while trying not to bore them while knowing that you are going to be asked questions at the end by people who have been working longer than you are going to be alive.
At this point my slides are done...or are they? I find myself constantly tweaking, changing, and adjusting my slides to make sure that they are "perfect."
At some point you just have to say that your slides are done and call it a day.
Which makes me think of the Christian practice of keeping a Sabbath. A day of rest. A day where you can set apart your business and relax (such as blogging).
Obviously God felt that this was important as it is one of the 10 Commandments.
Random side note, I received an email of the texted 10 Commandments:

1. no1 b4 me. srsly.
2. dnt wrshp pix/idols
3. no omg’s
4. no wrk on w/end (sat 4 now; sun l8r)
5. pos ok – ur m&d r cool
6. dnt kill ppl
7. :-X only w/ m8
8. dnt steal
9. dnt lie re: bf
10. dnt ogle ur bf’s m8. or ox. or dnkey. myob.

Jesus also debated the Pharisees who had missed the boat when they started making rules on how to properly keep the Sabbath day of rest thus totally defeating the whole purpose. Even today we struggle with keeping up with the Joneses as we are all plugged into each other with constant communication as most of us really never leave work at work as I find myself wanting to check my email the first thing in the morning.
So perhaps the ability to take a day off is to have the faith that we have worked for 6 days and trust God's command to take the 7th off as we find our ultimate satisfaction in Him and His laws, not in the next step at our job.
Perhaps we can be like Eric Liddell from the Chariots of Fire movie who did not have to prove his existence on the track by honoring the Sabbath day unlike the other track runner (Harold Abrahams) who said of the 100 meter dash: "I will raise my eyes and look down that corridor; 4 feet wide, with 10 lonely seconds to justify my whole existence."
So enjoy the better things in life by resting in the Lord's provision on your Sabbath day.

time

It seems like every stage in my life since middle school I always felt like I never had enough time to do whatever I felt was important. Frequent comments and reactions that I had were something to the fact that "one day I would like to..." or "I am just so busy right now that I can't..." In some sort of delusional state I figured that "tomorrow" things will get less busy.
But now that I am a dad I am amazed at how much time I actually did have all of those years as the "simple" act of going out to eat is now a 14-step process (which is all worth it when Titus gives you one of his smiles that makes you feel like there is nothing wrong in the world.)But still, I am learning that I will never reach this "magical time" in which I will have an abundance of free time until I am old enough that I can't remember what I am doing anyways. So where does this leave me?
Priorities.
Simple enough, my priorities.What I really want to do or have to do I find time for. Obviously work takes a majority of my time, but what about God time? I say that Jesus is my number one priority, but if someone had a listing of my daily activities or my credit card statement could they tell He is my all in all?
Obviously faith plays a large role that I realize that God is truly in control and that I am not the captain of my ship I will have the peace to put my work down and rest in His promises, but also is He enough? Is He my greatest joy? Do I feel fulfilled in His Word and in prayer? If the answer is yes wouldn't it follow that I would not feel pushed for time to spend with Jesus and when life does get busy the obvious answer is to cut other things out of my life? Makes sense on paper (or on a blog), but in real life I guess I so easily become blinded and drift away until He does something to bring me back that usually hurts.
All of the sudden the patter of the Bible of judgment and mercy starts to ring true as I read how God works with His people with judgment followed by mercy. Our holy and righteous God sends judgment on sinful people. But God is also merciful, patient, and compassionate and thus rescues the sinful people from his judgment.
Over and over and over and over again. Just read the OT and you will soon see the pattern.
The humbling part is when you look back on your own life and realize the same pattern, which leads me to a deeper understand of His love.
PS: Check out this kid.

Karma

The other day I was out on our fire escape that is illegally turned into a deck grilling some hamburgers over charcoal grill holding my son and teaching him how to make a perfect burger with a dash of Lawery's salt, pepper, and oregano. Then after it is grilled you put an onion, lettuce, ketchup, and mustard and enjoy...sorry I got off topic there.
Anyways as I grilled a group of very intoxicated men were waiting outside the restaurant we live above were waiting for their seats after a Cubs game (now you know why they were drunk!) As they made inappropriate comments to passing women one of the guys really crossed the line on one of his comments resulting in his friend making a comment about how he was "really messing up his karma" and shortly afterwards the really inappropriate comment guy randomly missed his footing and tried to catch his balance resulting in him throwing his body towards the street, off the curb, and right to his rear rolling backwards doing a somersault of sorts.
It was really funny. I mean, really really funny. He and his friends were almost dying of laughter as he collected his broken pride and walked back to the street as more karma comments were coming from his friends.
Then I started thinking about Karma, which is defined as "the effects of a person's actions that determine his destiny in his next incarnation."
U2's front man Bono (who like Cher and Madonna have no last name) in an interview mad a great comparision of Karma and Grace when he said: "You see, at the center of all religions is the idea of Karma. You know, what you put out comes back to you: an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, or in physics—in physical laws—every action is met by an equal or an opposite one. It's clear to me that Karma is at the very heart of the universe. I'm absolutely sure of it. And yet, along comes this idea called Grace to upend all that "as you reap, so you will sow" stuff. Grace defies reason and logic. Love interrupts, if you like, the consequences of your actions, which in my case is very good news indeed, because I've done a lot of stupid stuff."

I agree.

long ways to go

Sometimes you really think that you have things figured out...which happens right before you realize that you have a long ways to go. I've discovered that like a funnel, the more you discover, the more you discover that their is more to discover (I just used the word discover 4 times in one sentence).
Further still is the fact that you can be cruising along thinking you have it all figured out and then something small trips you up such as the fact that I have been running for a couple months now and feel undestructible as I can run faster and faster for longer periods of time...until I formed a small blister that is forcing me to slow down. (Or when a small 10 pound baby can bring you to your knees trying to figure out how to make him stop crying).
Rich Mullins said it best when he sang:
"We are frail
We are fearfully and wonderfully made
Forged in the fires of human passion
Choking and the fumes of selfish rage
And with these are hells and our heaves
So few inches apart
We must be awfully small
And not as strong as we think we are"

I think about this as I start to wrap up my 3rd year of residency I find myself getting emails and phone calls from recruitment agencies telling me how great I would be for their particular spot. Kind of makes me feel good as all of this education and money is now going to pay off right? The "American Dream" is now just around the corner and I am about to arrive. (Speaking of the American Dream I love what Jon Foreman's thoughts on the American Dream as he stated "When success is equated with excess, the ambition for excess wrecks us.")
Reminds me of the same feeling I had when I was getting ready to graduate from high school, college, and med school...which was soon ended by the thought that I was getting ready to start college, med school, and residency.
But maybe this is the key, realizing that all you need to do is take one step at a time day by day with the confidence that you are progressing, but with the humility that you will always have a long ways to go and the faith that God wastes nothing.

bloggin lately?

Since Titus has come along things have changed quite a bit. From time to time people will ask me about what it is like being a dad. That question is about the same as when someone asks you when and how you know you are in love. You have a million things to say, but really can not answer the original question.
That is what it is like for me.
The pics above leave me amazed to how amazing Titus is...but he has a dark side too when he cries and yells and screams requiring amazing amounts of walking in circles and bouncing him while continuing to replace the pacifier that he keeps spitting out over and over (after a while you just stop worrying about the pacifier being "clean" as the 5-second rule applies). Still despite the yelling and agreeing that parenting is not for the faint of hear, parenthood is great.
So what has been happening since Titus has come along? (He takes a lot of time therefore blogging gets pushed to the side).
-The weather is getting nicer in Chicago hence we are opening our windows...only to shut them because of random people smoking outside our apartment.
-My brother just turned 16. Remember when you could not wait to be 16, then 18, then 21? Now what age do you really get to look forwards to?
-On my first bike ride to work I stopped at a local "mom-n-pops greasy spoon" diner just a mile from Chicago's downtown where the waitress called everyone "honey." The food was awesome. Speaking of awesome food a friend took me to a restaurant that converted a mechanic's garage into a Mexican restaurant that served the best tacos I have ever had (and now will not ever be able to eat at Taco Bell again) while playing oldies on a record player.
-On my second bike ride to work I almost was hit by a woman turning right on a red while I had a green light...life is fragile.
-My NCAA bracket is busted, but I am okay with that because I love to see the underdogs win. I think I root for underdogs because there is something that I identify with as Jesus preached and served the lowercase people, not the powerful.
-I went to a bachelor party of a friend where we raced go-carts that went up to 35 miles per hour. It was pretty awesome as I felt like a kid again, yet I was going over 25 mph.
-Speaking of this friend, his wedding was last weekend and I was amazed at how the small Church I attend was able to come together to accommodate a large crowd to allow the wedding to go smoothly. Reminds me of an answer CS Lewis gave to the question: “Is attendance at a place of worship or membership with a Christian community necessary to a Christian way of life?”
Lewis answered:
“My own experience is that when I first became a Christian, about fourteen years ago, I thought that I could do it on my own, by retiring to my rooms and reading theology, and I wouldn’t go to the churches and Gospel Halls; and then later I found that it was the only way of flying your flag; and, of course, I found that this meant being a target. It is extraordinary how inconvenient to your family it becomes for you to get up early to go to Church. It doesn’t matter so much if you get up early for anything else, but if you get up early to go to Church it’s very selfish of you and you upset the house. If there is anything in the teaching of the New Testament which is in the nature of a command, it is that you are obliged to take the Sacrament, and you can’t do it without going to Church. I disliked very much their hymns, which I considered to be fifth-rate poems set to sixth-rate music. But as I went on I saw the great merit of it. I came up against different people of quite different outlooks and different education, and then gradually my conceit just began peeling off. I realized that the hymns (which were just sixth-rate music) were, nevertheless, being sung with devotion and benefit by an old saint in elastic-side boots in the opposite pew, and then you realize that you aren’t fit to clean those boots. It gets you out of your solitary conceit."

Have a happy Easter!

sides

I am simply amazed at the whole health care issue, as a doc I tried to keep up with what the new health care reform actually means, but I became confused at about day 5 as more and more things were tweaked, added, erased, and morphed. But now it has been passed...and the reactions (on both sides) are amazing.
On one side people are freaking out that Obama is the antiChrist and that this is the end of America as we know it.
On the other side people are rejoicing as if Obama was Jesus and this is just the beginning of a new America as we know it.
And each side demands that you not only disagree but disdain the other as (at best) crazy or (at worst) evil.
Who is right (or should I say correct) and who is wrong?
How about both are right and both are wrong?
How about the fact that each one of us have parts of ourselves that are right and wrong?
Why is it that we have all forgotten the lessons in Kindergarten to get along and take your turn on the merry-go-round?
I'm not saying that we all have to agree, but can't this country at least be respectful?

hmmm...

Every once in a while you hear or read something that makes you really ponder as the sentence(s) play over and over in your head. This was one of those times as someone told me that "a man's character is best judged not on his actions, but reactions."
Hmmm....All of the sudden my thoughts go to when I get cut off in traffic, I barely miss the train to work, I can't find my keys, wallet, phone (or whatever) etc. Then my thoughts (as the often do these days) go to Titus. He is going to be watching me as he grows into a man, both my actions and reactions.While I am thankful for grace everyday, this quote has really got me thinking as today Bekah and I forgot the time change as we sped of to Church realizing that Titus's first day at Church was not going to be the perfect day we thought.
(Here is Titus and dad after Church):

4 ways to live your life

As I look at my son I wonder what kind of man he is going to grow up to be. While he can't even keep his neck from moving all over the place in a crazy seizure-like motion, I my mind still thinks about where he is going to be in 20 years as people tell me "they grow up so fast." (At 4am when I am dodging his urine while trying to change his diaper I am all right with him growing up fast at this point.)

The other day I heard a sermon by Mark Driscoll illustrating the way Jesus lead His life-intentionally. Driscoll went on to point out the 4 ways to live your life based on the book "Leading on Empty" by Wayne Cordiero. Cordiero writes that there are 4 ways that you can live your life:
1) Reaction
2) Conformity
3) Independently
4) Intentionally

1. Reaction – You see a need and you just go for it. All of the opportunities that keep coming at you, you keep going for them and in the end you are spread thin, burn out, and thus are unproductive.

2. Conformity – You are a people pleaser trying to cater to everyone’s needs. Living your life this way you will burn out and probably become bitter for all of the sacrifices you have made for others with minimal results. Why marginal results? Because you are not sacrificing, you are compromising.

3. Independence – You are your own boss making your own decisions and not listening to anyone, including those who want to provide important advice or your followers. As you go solo you are going to be leading only yourself as you become embittered that the problem is everyone else which causes your followers to leave your mission.

4. Intentionality – This is how Jesus lived His life. He did not react to every opportunity before Him as He would take care of His own needs by leaving the various cities to get away into the mountains. He did not listen to all of the people telling Him what to do or not to do as He stood for the truth leading to the religious leaders hating Him. He did not forsake His people even though they made several mistakes as He brought them along slowly without losing focus of His goal of turning people to God. This goal was woven throughout His whole life in everything He did as Jesus was focused and intentional and He still has people following Him 2000 years later.

How are you living your life?

A pic of Titus and I bonding, that guy can nap just like his old man. I'm so proud.

other than Titus...

I have a feeling that most of my posts from here on out will somehow include Titus as I am amazed at the little guy and how amazing he is, which reflects how great God is. So other than Titus:
-I have started running again getting ready for a 1/2 marathon. A little sore, but it feels good to get out and breath fresh air as well as catch up with a bunch of podcasts that have been piling up over the winter.
-Besides the 1/2 marathon I signed up for the Chicago sprint triathlon. I feel fine with the running and biking part, but the swimming part is going to be quite an adjustment. Still because I do not know where I will be next August I figured this would be the best time to go for it.
-Speaking of next August...as I come to the end of my 3rd year of residency I am faced with the fact that I need to finally get a job as I am starting to look at my options for work. The good news is that there are plenty of openings, but that in someways is the bad news because there are so many openings it seems intimidating.
-For my birthday I received running stuff and an ESV Study Bible that I am excited to crack open and dig in.
-I have started reading James Herriot books again. He has to be one of the best authors.
-My employer gives me 4 weeks of for paternity leave. I am taking 2 now and will take the other 2 later. An "old-school" doctor told me that his wife had their baby early enough in the morning that he did not even get the morning off.
-While I do not want to be one of those guys who is always complaining about how horrible the weather is I am excited to see the snow melt as spring starts to break through.

So that is it...with another pic of Titus who was raising up his hands while swinging.

29

When I find out that people are having a birthday and they are at least 4 decades old I always joke with them by questioning if their upcoming birthday is is their 29th birthday. And it is not just me, I have heard other people use the magic age of 29 as well.
As if 29 means you are old enough, but not too old.
Here I sit, the day before my 29th birthday. I am soon to be 29 and will then be the recipient of the birthday jokes that I always told people.
While I am not looking forwards to 29 as I did when I was a 15 year old looking towards that magic 16th birthday and thinking that their parent's minivan was cool I feel like at this point 29 is really no different than 30 and then on.
It seems that every age has their pluses and minuses up until you are so old that you can't remember the difference. So to the soon to be 30's, bring it on. The 20's were good, why can't the soon to be 30's be even better?

Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead
Yesterday is a promise that you've broken
Don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes
This is your life and today is all you've got now
Yeah, and today is all you'll ever have
Don't close your eyes
Yesterday is a kid in the corner
Yesterday is dead and over
This is your life, are you who you want to be?
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be?
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose
~Switchfoot

Oh yea, enjoy some pics of Titus.

lessons from the lil' man

Today I ran a few errands, but basically tried to steal Titus from my wife as much as possible and I would just sit there with him. Doing nothing else, but just sit there and watch him sleep as I hold him. Strangely, I can do this for hours and hours and I just want to be with him more.
This is coming from a type-A, I-need-to-be-doing-5-things-at-once-or-I-am-wasting-time person. I love the fact that I can have several tabs on my internet window and have 4 separate spaces on my Mac where I can have iTunes open on one space, the internet on the other, Microsoft word on the 3rd space, and the power-point I am working on in the final space.
But now, Titus is messing all of that up.
I am just content for hours just sitting with him.
And it is great.
All of the sudden all the business of life is put in perspective.
I have a feeling Titus is going to teach me much more things to come...

Titus John

Bekah and I went to the hospital yesterday at 8am, ready to have a baby (well she was, I was there for support). Unfortunately there was no room at the inn and so we waited until a room opened up and then they started moving things along around noonish. Flash forwards 12 hours and 19 minutes later and we had a little bundle of joy otherwise known as Titus John.
But what about those 12 hours? We watched the Olympics, surfed the net, read books, and coached lil' Titus to come out...which he eventually did with the help of the docs and a c-section due to his inability to continue to progress. (As a side bar, it is always so weird to be on the other side of the medical field as I have seen several c-sections, but it takes on a whole new meaning when it is your wife and child!)
But now we find him content as can be, just relaxing and looking around this big world with his big dark eyes as I wonder how this whole thing really does work. Seriously, he was just in my wife's body and grew from a couple cells to have tiny fingernails and eye lashes. Do other people freak out when they really think about what had just taken place?
And as I look at him I wonder what he is going to be like in 18 years?
Will he like to run? Will he think my jokes are funny? Will he want to go into the medical field? What will do with Jesus? Will he be as small as I was in high school? Will he be friends with children of my friends?
So much potential just bundled up in that little bundle of a person.
As I tend to do I race ahead of things, so for now Bekah is right when she tells me to just enjoy the moment as I am sure one day I will wonder how he grew up so fast...

To Titus, mine own son after the common faith: Grace, mercy, and peace, from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ our Saviour.
~Titus 1:4

new

Today was a day of news.
-A husband and wife shared their first kiss in the front of Church in front of their loved ones as they start their lives together.
-Sunday is the first day of a new week.
-I know of a few couples who are now engaged.
-A good friend called me on the phone telling me he wanted to turn his life around.
(No baby yet, Bekah is a real trooper).
-While the Olympics did not start today, we are still in the beginning of the games in which the dreams and hopes of several athletes are to be put to the test.

New stuff is exciting, full of potential, and necessary for our survival as we battle hurts and pains as the Olympics are overshadowed by the death of an athlete who died on a practice run and two people from South Korea wiped out as they were to finish 2nd and 3rd in a speed skating race.
Similarly this past week was a particularly difficult week with the unexpected bad news of person I was working with.
As I struggled with the events and why God would allow such a thing to happen I found myself feeling totally out of control and empty-handed as I realized (again) that I really do not have control of much of anything.
Then the Lord reminded me of the sermon on the mount where it is the empty that are filled by God and thus blessed (Matthew 5). God uses those who are broken and call out to Him (Luke 18). God makes all things new (Rev. 21:1). God's strength is made perfect in our weaknesses (2 Corinthians 12:9).
So as Sunday comes to a close I am thankful for His constant renewal in our lives as the shadows in our lives prove the sunshine.

men and Super Bowl commericals

Last Sunday I felt that several commercials were very focused on men. First there was the Dodge Charger Ad called "Man's Last Stand" which goes on to say:
I will get up and walk the dog at 6:20AM.
I will eat some fruit as part of my breakfast.
I will shave, clean the sink after I shave.
I will be at work at 8:00AM.
I will sit through two hour meetings.
I will say yes, when you want me to say yes.
I will be quiet when you don’t want me to say no.
I will take your call and listen to your opinion of my friends.
I will listen to your friends opinions of my friends.
I will be civil to your mother.
I will put the seat down.
I will separate the recycling.
I will carry your lip-balm.
I will watch your vampire tv shows, with you.
I will take my socks off before getting into bed.
I will put my underwear in the basket.
And because I do this. I will drive the car, I want to drive.
Charger, Man’s Last Stand.

Other commercials included Docker's theme of men without pants showing several men marching around in their underwear, two skinny men in sumo gear frantically trying to find how to surrender to a sumo wrestler on their cell phones, Snickers showing old female actresses getting tackled in a football pick-up game until they eat Snickers and turn into men again, FLO TV's commercial had a narrator introduced a character whose "girlfriend has removed his spine, making him incapable of watching the game." The ad ended with a very clear message to men: "change out of that skirt."

While these commercials were not on there were Go Daddy commercials inviting men to "see more" of the stripping Go Daddy girls, a Bridge Stone tire commerical where the man ditched his wife when confronted with danger, Megan Fox in a bathtub what would happen if she sent her picture out via her phone resulting in men all over the world staring at their phone causing accidents, or men ignoring all of the doom of being stuck on a deserted island (with a working radio) or a comet hurling down at the earth in exchange for a good time with Bud Light.

These commercials basically portrayed men as wimps or shallow guys satisfied with beer and naked women. Is this an accurate portrayal of today's males?

What does it take to "be a real man?" Do you need to be like Russel Crowe or Leonardo DiCaprio in the movie previews (also shown during the Super Bowl) in which they risk their lives for the good of others, Brett Favre still playing football at age 50, or the little boy defending his mother from the potential new boyfriend?

What about offering their seat on the public transportation to a pregnant woman? It is not uncommon for several sitting guys look at Bekah (who is obviously pregnant) on the train and just go on reading or playing on their phone while she stands there.
Why are urban cities full of young mothers raising their children by themselves?
Why are all the police who are to protect us portrayed as overweight men eating donuts?
What is going on with male politicians literally caught with their pants down or lying?

I could go on and on as perhaps I am writing this as I think about raising a child and what that entails as far as being a father, but I am also concerned that these commercials portray men today who are not stepping up to defend what is right, but rather living in their own little world of beer, football, and Go Daddy Girls which just makes them boys that can shave.

waiting...

We are officially 13 days away from the due date of our first child. The baby room is painted, the crib is up, the changing table is ready for action, we have a couple boxes of diapers, and I purchased several more cases of coffee for my upcoming sleepless nights.
Now we just wait.
Bekah is ready to have the baby as she battles all sorts of weird physical complaints such as swollen hands, which I have never experienced, but according to her is not fun.
I know that I have written about waiting in the past, but I am not a fan. I like to get things done promptly and efficiently. Few things feel better than a completed check list at the end of a Saturday.
But life is mostly about waiting for some expected in as we hear phrases about "joy in the journey" and "it's not the destination, but the journey" to remind us of this fact.
Maybe it is because I am engulfed in The Lord of the Rings with page after page of their journey to ultimately destroy the ring (hopefully I did not give away the ending), but God is teaching me that He does not waste anything as we see Frodo shaped by his journey and I trust that He is also shaping me in my journey as Bekah and I wait for a whole new chapter to open in our life...

sickness

I'm sick.
That runny nose-coughing up stuff-sore throat-sneezing-achy joints-headache feeling.
Ugh.
I get sick for about 1 week each year and it just fades away.
But being sick is not always a bad thing because it reminds me to be thankful for the the other 51 weeks of the year when I can smell and my voice does not sound like I am going through puberty.

stuff

i


A lot has happened in 2010 already. Was Christmas already over 1 month ago?

Bekah continues to get closer and closer to having the baby...our baby room is all ready to go and she is getting to the point that she is expressing her hopes to have the baby soon as she deals with swollen ankles, back pain, and a baby that can really throw some punches in there.
Yea, I am glad to be a dude.

Speaking of babies, my new nephew Garrison Wayne was born January 25th (see 1st and 4th pictures) with an impressive head of hair that is already showing some great mohawk-like style. Garrison makes me an uncle of 10, which I love in my pursuit to be "that crazy uncle" who is always chasing his nephews and nieces around...even though some of them are getting so big those piggy-back rides are getting a little tough.

We enjoyed our weekend get-a-way to the Milwaukee area staying at a bed and breakfast (pic 2), finding some great independent coffee shops (pic 3) as I became hooked on The Lord of the Rings book. Much better than the movie.
At the bed and breakfast the owner was a former Methodist minister who left the ministry to become a psychotherapist with books in his library with titles of "Marx and the Bible" and "Radical Feminism in the Bible." Interesting titles as I would have loved to visit with him about his experiences and the choice of his books, but we kept things "small talk" at the breakfast table and never went deep.
I feel often that I would love to "go deep" with people about there thoughts of God, but people seem to hold fast to the "rule" that we are not to talk about politics or religion as they are so charged, which reminds me of the importance of praying for opportunities to visit with people and also boldness to act on them.

Kansas State University basketball team beat the #1 team in the country and then lost to a team that was not ranked at all.

Lately I have been reading the book "Counterfeit Gods" by Timothy Keller. Fascinating book that points out the foolishness of finding our satisfaction in anything else but God as he exposes the unfulfillment in money, power, politics, and materialism. As CS Lewis said it, we are a machine that runs on God.

The other day I asked a friend what he thought about raising a child in today's society with all of its troubles and his answer was that every generation asked the same question as they became ready for parenthood. I found strange comfort in that.

People always ask me what I think about being a dad. To be honest, I don't know, but I think it is like getting married. You just have to trust the Lord and jump in with all of your might.

bad CTA day

When the weather gets bad I tend to appreciate riding our public transportation, the CTA (Chicago Transit Association) as I still get to work the same time if it is sunny, raining, or snowing while several of my coworkers get stuck in traffic as their cars add more salt to the underside of their cars.
But today was a bad CTA day.
As I was transferring trains I was headed towards the stairs to go down to the subway on the right side of the stairs. In front of me was a large woman who was going down on the left side of the stairs who did not see or hear me behind her as at the last second she decided to grab the right railing cutting me off as I squeezed past her muttering an "excuse me". Turns out she was deaf and I really scared her, to which I felt bad for. Not only was she deaf, but she was also violent as she yelled out phrases I wasn't able to understand and hit me a couple times in the left shoulder thus surprising me in return. I found that I was not going to get anywhere trying to explain to her what happened and did not want to get hit anymore so I continued down the stairs as she continued to yell at me. Luckily I was able to quickly jump on the train in the subway escaping more of her verbal and physical assaults.
I really do feel bad that there is some woman out in Chicago who thinks that some young punk tried to take her out, so if you stumble across this blog please accept my apologies.

On the way home I realized once I entered the train that I only had my right glove knowing that I also had the left glove which is sitting all alone on a platform. And I really liked those gloves. What do you do with one right glove?

All in all, I did get to work and back, but hopefully tomorrow I keep all my gloves and avoid any contact.

quiet mornings

I need more of these kind of Saturday mornings as I sit upstairs in a bed and breakfast in a small Wisconsin town full from a great breakfast with a warm cup of coffee and absolutely no plans but to hang out with my wife and read more of Tolkien's Lord of the Rings. One of the most amazing thing about our last get-away before the baby is how quiet it is compared to Chicago. You know, that kind of quietness in which you can hear the white noise of blood flowing past your ears. The kind of quietness that leaves you alone in your thoughts...

Speaking of thoughts:
-I love finding random restaurants in random places. Last night Bekah and I ended up at a small Bistro that had live jazz music. Good times.
-I think people (including me) underestimate the beauty of a good book that makes tv seem boring.
-It is amazing to watch people respond to Haiti. Why is it that it takes something so horrible to unit Americans who otherwise continue to nit-pick each other about everything else?
-Speaking of Haiti, the country is buzzing about Pat Robertsons' comments about the earthquake as he inferred that the Haitians made a deal with the devil and therefore have caused the wrath of the Lord. My simple reply to Pat? Romans 11:33-34: "O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are His judgments, and his ways past finding out! For who hath known the mind of the Lord? or who hath been His counselor?" Be careful Pat, as I am pretty sure you and I don't know His ways.
-The other day on the train coming home from work a young mom was on her cell phone while her young daughter was trying to get her attention. In response, the mother yelled very loudly and coldly to "shut the f*ck up!" taking all the spirit out of her daughter and causing all of us to raise our eyes from our books wanting to do something, but feeling powerless. I hate that feeling as I prayed for the small family and exited the train to transfer to another one watching my original train move on with a mom talking on a cell phone and a little girl staring out a window.

It is on these quiet mornings that I think of that little girl in her pink coat and pigtails wondering where she is at and why my childhood was drastically different.
It is on these quiet mornings I wonder about the families in Haiti.
It is on these quiet mornings I wonder why I don't have more of these quiet mornings.

that is funny

Today on my way home there was a jogger along the lakefront trail who totally biffed it real bad. Arms and legs all over the place. It was funny, really funny. Just like those 15 minutes I spent last week on youtube after I typed "treadmill accidents" in the search bar.
Why is watching the accidents of others so funny?
Yea, I don't know either.
Regardless have a safe week.

simplicity

The other day while I was riding the train to work I noticed that in my car someone had written all over one of the walls warning people not to get the H1N1 vaccine as they reported that the vaccine would either "sterelize" or "steralize" you with a web address for more information.
That is right, "sterelize" or "steralize" not sterilize.
While this is not a blog about the controversy of vaccines, but I will argue that if you are going to make this argument about the H1N1 vaccine and want to look somewhat legit you should make sure you spell the word "sterilize" correctly as you use a magic marker to write over advertisements for apartments and restaurants.
They say that most of communication is nonverbal and I agree as people don't care what you say unless they trust you as a credible person to be speaking in the first place as our society places a large value on those letters that come after your name: PhD, MS, MD, JD, DVM, BA etc.
But extending this further I find that a lot people want nothing to do with Jesus because of this or that person that claims to be following Him. They associate Christians with politicians, tv preachers asking for money, or the news articles of clergy members being caught literally with their pants down...just as affective as spelling sterilize incorrectly.
Maybe it is because I just finished the book "Blue Like Jazz" (which is an interesting read), which has challenged me of the simplicity of Jesus' message:
1) Love the Lord and His Word
2) Love others

stuff

Its cold in Chicago leading me to spend as many hibernation days in my apartment thankful for the free radiator heat making all of its clicking and hissing sounds as it emits heat. So here is random thoughts and happenings for the last few weeks:
1) I finished my first shift as a moonlighter (working without supervision) to which I was very freaked out, but comforted as I realized how faithful God is as I felt the same nervousness when starting undergrad, med school, residency, and all that entailed those stages. The shift went well...now onto more shifts and raising a child?!
2) On my way home the other day some med students were complaining about their Psych rotation and I could not stop myself from telling them that I was a Psych resident. You should have seen them backpedal trying to explain "what they really meant."
3) Later on the same trip home two drunk guys were making fun of their balding friend who was next to me on the train. They asked me what I thought about his hair (they were really drunk) and I struck up a conversation and found out that he was also a med student leading him to asking me for advice the rest of the way home. Hopefully he only remembers the good stuff I told him.
4) I ran the 5K on New Years Day, but decided to skip out on the polar bear plunging opting instead for a warm bowl of chilly at a local restaurant. While on paper this seems like a wiser decision, still I wonder if I made the right decision.
5) I taught Sunday School today, teaching middle and high schoolers can be tough as you know that they know the answer to your question even thought they just shrug their shoulders and avoid eye contact.
6) Yesterday I started and finished the book "The Soloist: A Lost Dream, an Unlikely Friendship, and the Redemptive Power of Music," which is about a journalist who befriends a very talented musician who struggles with mental illness leaving him on skid row playing a 2-stringed violin. A great book as I love getting wrapped up into a book and not being able to put it down.
7) Over the holiday season we enjoyed being with family and friends, but yesterday we took down all of our decorations and were amazed to see how many needles can fall off of a Christmas tree.

Happy 2010.